I want a great wedding, one that I will remember for the rest of my life, but there is one problem standing in my way. That problem is money. It seems to be the source of alot of my problems lately. Going to school kills my paycheck which thus reflects in my bank account. I cant work as much because I have to go to school and study. I have to pay school fees, an arm, leg, and my first born just to be able to go, tuition is a killer. I go through this every semester, not having money while I am in school, and I end up doing ok. But this time is different. I have to plan and pay for a wedding. And I have no where near the funds to do it. I want the best for my wedding, but at the same time I cant because I dont have the means to do it. And it is frustrating. Both for me and my fiance. He knows that I want the best, and that I stress because we dont have the money to get the best. He has offered time and time again to find the money to get whatever I want. But I know that he has bills he has to pay, and already works so hard. I dont want him to have to work 5 different jobs just to make me happy. He says I need to stop thinking about him and focus on me for a min. To let him help me. But anyone that knows me at all knows that I am stubborn and I dont like accepting help and doing things for myself. I am a people pleaser, and no matter how hard I try I just cant stop it.
Many of those around me have offered to help me in planning and doing things for my wedding, and I love the offers, it is great, dont get me wrong. But there are just some things that people cant help with, like being able to produce a great photographer for dirt cheap. I found one that I really like, and am going to book him, but not without a pricey amount. He was very nice and gave me a bridal session for free, but we still have to pay for half of it now, hard to do when we have bills to pay and other things to worry about.
I am trying hard not to worry about things like this, thinking how in the heck me and my family are going to pay for two wedding within 4 months of eachother. It makes me sad. I want to be able to take on some of those costs, but I dont have any money anymore, it has been put to other things and I am feeling the lack of it right now. Everytime I think about it I start to feel sad and start to cry. Its really not good to have multiple breakdowns at work. But I cant help it, I stress too easily. That's my life.
I just keep hoping and praying that by some miracle it will all work out and I can have the things that I want without having to fork out a ton of money. Maybe I should just elope. And yes, that thought has crossed my mind. It would save alot of time and money and worry. Maybe I will. Less stress for everyone involved.
Anyay, if your are still reading this, thanks for listening to my whining and complaining. Just needed to get it out. Now it is time to dry my eyes and get to work, cant look emotional on the job.
Oh and here is a pick of the ring incase any of you wanted to see it.
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